Bethany the Grey
by R-I-C-A-R-D
Summary: Seeking to atone for past misdeeds, a repentant Hero of Ferelden takes Bethany under her wing, hoping to make of her a better warden than she herself is. Tabris/Bethany friendship.
1. Answering a Call

**1. Answering A Call**

_But I'm more than just a little curious  
>How you're planning to go about making your amends<br>To the dead, to the dead_

A Perfect Circle,_ The Noose_

The elven woman approached the camp sited midway between the Wounded Coast and city-state of Kirkwall, Circus padding along at her heels. The mabari veered off to the right ahead of her, chasing down some scent or other. "Circus," the elf said, shaking her head. The hound paused and looked back at his mistress, tail wagging. "Heel," she added, slapping her thigh for emphasis. Circus uttered a low whine but returned nonetheless, content with his mistress' company.

Though the sun had sunk below the horizon hours before, the full moon and clear skies provided visibility enough for the elf to complete her journey with long, confident strides. The camp fire burned like a beacon in the near distance, small embers spiralling away on the light breeze. Keen eyesight allowed the elf to see the single guard posted at the edge of the camp, a tall human in full armour. She could have melted into the shadows and emerged at the guard's flank, surprising him but that was no way to make amends for past mistakes; better to approach directly.

"Halt," the sentry called out. _Antivan accent_ the elf noted. She halted, fingers of her left hand scratching between the dog's ears. "What brings you here?" the man continued.

"I seek Stroud," the elf called back.

The man inclined his head towards her, "You have found him."

"You sent out a call requesting reinforcement?" the woman enquired.

"Indeed I did. Come closer, so that we might converse without raising our voices."

Circus at her side, the elven woman joined Stroud at the edge of the camp. As she neared him, his eyes narrowed in recognition. "You," he hissed and spat at her feet. Circus made as though to lunge forward, growling low in his throat; a hand around his collar pulled him back.

The elven warden sighed, arms folded over her chest. Stroud glared hard at her. "Why are you here?" he ground out.

"You sent out a call, I'm answering," the elf looked past Stroud to the fire at the at the camp's centre and the few bedrolls around it. Aside from the man before her, she counted two others by the fire and a figure beneath a blanket, tossing and turning as it slept.

Stroud too folded his arms, his frown deepening the creases in his face. "We do not require the _help_ of one such as you, traitor."

The elf's large green eyes narrowed as she fought to control her temper. _Do not let your feelings cloud your better judgement._ "I wish to make amends for my part in Denerim." She swallowed hard, heart thumping.

"Your _part?"_ Stroud echoed, voice rising. "You battled and defeated the very man who betrayed our order at Ostagar then _let him live?" _He glanced briefly at the mabari as it growled in response to his raised voice. "Control your mutt, or so help me I'll-"

The hound attempted another lunge. "Circus!" the elven warden barked. She softened as he looked up at her, whining. "I'm sorry I snapped. Go follow that scent you found." After a moment the dog turned and ran into the night, tail wagging happily. To Stroud she muttered, "Even _he_ thinks you're unreasonable. You want to strike me down? Then draw your blade and do it, I'll offer no resistance." The pair of wardens stared each other down for several heartbeats, neither making a move though the elf felt a trickle of sweat slide down her back, beneath her leathers. She swallowed once more. "_Or_ you can allow me to join you so I might atone."

"What makes you think I care about your atonement?" the man scoffed. "Would your _atonement_ bring back Duncan and the rest?"

"No," the elf admitted. "But you need help and I'm offering."

Stroud eyed her for a long moment, considering. Despite his feelings he found himself in agreement, at least on _that_ particular point. Pressing on, the elf continued, "Besides yourself I see only the two by the fire and-" a piercing scream rent the night air and she jolted involuntarily. "And the screamer," she added.

Stroud turned towards the fire. The elf observed as the screamer – a youthful-looking woman sat up, blanket wrapped around herself. One of the men by the fire spoke to her in low tones and she shook her head. Of Stroud, the elf asked, "Fresh recruit?"

The elder warden shook his head, turning back to the elf. "I did not recruit her. She was brought to us in the deep roads, tainted."

"Ah," the elf nodded in understanding. She thought a moment. "Another reason why you need help. You want to hate me, then fine. Some days I hate myself. But that girl," she pointed at the young woman seated now by the fire, "She needs help and you have problems enough, I'll wager. Let me look after her."

Stroud hesitated. As she was now, Bethany was more burden than help, more liability than asset. It almost would have been kinder to end her life rather than attempt a Joining but the appeals from Anders and her brother had swayed him. Reaching a decision, he stepped in close to the elf. "Train her well, then. That can serve as part of your _atonement."_

The elf, Kalli of the Wardens nodded, unable to keep a smile from her face. "Thank you, Stroud," she said after a moment.

Stroud shook his head. "Do not thank me, elf. Tomorrow we brave the deep roads, so you had best get to training your charge."

Æ

Bethany sat by the fire, shivering despite the blanket wrapped around herself. _Maker, the dreams!_ Her throat felt raw from the screams and she stared into the dancing flames, watching the sparks fly. The two wardens by the fire, Redmond and Josef nodded to her and offered a few words of support before falling silent. Bethany looked up as soft footsteps approached. The source of the footsteps stopped and crouched beside her, dropping a pack to the ground. "Who're _you?"_ Redmond demanded, scarred face twisting as though with a life of its own. Bethany wondered what manner of fell beast had inflicted the injury upon the man.

Bethany's visitor, a dark-haired elven woman, ignored the question. Instead she addressed the young mage in a low voice. "Stroud tells me you could use some training."

Before Bethany could reply, a large brown mabari bounded through the camp, coming to a stop by the elf, tail wagging furiously. _An elf and now a mabari? I must still be dreaming_ Bethany decided. _At least it's a nicer dream than the last one. No darkspawn._ The hound began sniffing around the blanket tucked around Bethany's feet. The elf clicked her tongue, "Stop harassing the poor girl, Circus." At this, the dog sat back on its haunches, panting.

"You call your dog Circus?" Bethany asked, voice hoarse.

The elf settled herself beside Bethany, knees drawn to her chest. The flames of the fire seemed to dance in her eyes and leather armour. "Short for Flea Circus," she replied. The dog tilted its head to one side, voiced a questioning whine. "Yes, I _know_ you don't have any more fleas," the elf observed.

"Oi, elf," Redmond snapped, rising to his feet, Josef alongside. "I asked you a question."

The elf looked at Bethany as she replied and she felt uneasy at the attention. "I'm a warden. That's all you need to know. Stroud called, I answered."

Redmond and Josef glowered at her. "I'm turning in," Redmond finally answered. He jerked his head at Bethany. "Don't let the fire burn down."

As the two men saw to their bedrolls, Bethany asked, "What _is_ your name?"

The elf shrugged, one hand patting Circus' side. "Names are pretty but useless. Somebody with more power than an entire Circle of magi told me that, once."

"Your accent is Ferelden," Bethany observed.

The elf nodded, "As is yours." She sighed, "Call me Kalli, then."

Bethany drew her right hand out from beneath the blanket, offering it to this Kalli. She blinked, as though surprised at the gesture before gripping the offered hand with her own. Bethany felt the calluses on the elf's fingers and hand. "Bethany," she said in turn. "Why are you here?" she asked, returning her hand to her lap.

"You know Stroud sent out a call requesting reinforcement?" Kalli asked. When Bethany nodded, she went on, "Well, here I am."

"I think Stroud was hoping for more than a single warden. I think he was hoping for a company of soldiers."

Kalli shrugged. "We make do with what we have." The elven warden turned her attention to her pack, loosening the ties holding the bedroll in place and spreading it on the ground beside her. She removed a multitude of blades from her leathers and laid them beside the pack, keeping one to hand should she have need of it. Bethany stifled a yawn; though her body all but cried out for sleep, the nightmares and her own fear made that an impossibility. Kalli looked briefly at her. "The hour is late and Stroud will want to move as soon as the sun rises. Get some sleep."

"I can't," Bethany replied in a low whisper. "The _dreams._ Every time I try to sleep, I see the most terrible, black things. I open my mouth to scream and yet _more_ blackness pours forth."

Kalli nodded sympathetically; she wakened screaming almost every night in the first weeks following her own Joining. "I know what it's like," she said softly. "But you need to sleep, Bethany. I can't promise you won't have any more dreams but I _can_ promise I'll be here when you wake." After a moment, Kalli added a caveat, "Unless Stroud puts me on watch."

Bethany rubbed at her itchy, bloodshot eyes. Though she had no reason to, she found herself wanting to trust this warden who'd just walked into camp. "All right," she eventually answered, more to herself than Kalli. Settling back into the bedroll, shifting to find a more comfortable position on the hard ground, Bethany bade the elf goodnight. Kalli lay on her back, listening as Bethany's breathing slowed and as Circus snored. Only when she was certain the young woman was truly asleep did Kalli allow herself to drift away.

**Author's Note:** So I'm taking a ride on the Bethany as Grey Warden bandwagon, partly because I love her character, partly because why the hell not?. BioWare owns all, except the things I make up and my own vision of the not-quite-Hero of Ferelden. Reviews, constructive input appreaciated as always.


	2. The Sodding Deep Roads

**2. The Sodding Deep Roads**

As the sun rose in the east, colouring the sky a soft peach, Kalli's eyes slid open and she turned her face towards Bethany. The young woman was still soundly asleep, blanket pulled up to her chin, hair in disarray. In sleep, she appeared even younger and Kalli was keen to know why she was in the deep roads in the first place.

Sensing his mistress' movements, Circus roused himself and padded towards Kalli's bedroll. With quick movements, the elven warden rose, sheathed her blades and supplied the dog with a piece of cured meat from her pack. Circus wolfed the food down in moments and looked up at Kalli, head tilted to the right. He whined softly. Kalli shook her head. "That's all you're getting until lunch, Circus. You're getting fat." The mabari aimed the dog equivalent of a frown at her and turned away, sniffing around the remains of the fire for any uneaten morsels left from the previous night's meal.

Though she would have preferred to let Bethany awaken in her own time, Kalli knew Stroud would want to make for the deep roads as quickly as possible so the elf gently shook the girl's shoulder. Bethany uttered a low moan and attempted to burrow ever deeper into her bedroll. "It's too early, Garrett," she moaned sleepily. Kalli blinked and looked up; Stroud and the others had efficiently broken camp and were now waiting for them. The elf shook Bethany harder, hissing, "Wake up!"

"Just boot her in the ribs," the scarred man ventured forth his solution. "Always works on me."

"We don't have time for this," Stroud stated.

"I bet you're a real barrel of laughs to hang around with," Kalli muttered. To Bethany's still-sleeping form she murmured, "Sorry about this, sweetie," and clamped her right thumb and forefinger around her nostrils, pinching them shut. After a few moments, Bethany surged upright, gasping for air. Wide-eyed, she observed her surroundings, noted Stroud and the other two men standing around her. Bethany's brown eyes flicked to the elf. Kalli inclined her head, smiling slightly. "Sleep well?" she asked. Without awaiting an answer, she offered her hand. Still only half-awake, Bethany grasped the hand and stood.

"Pack your things, we're leaving," the Antivan ordered.

Bethany stretched cat-like, arms over her head and felt her spine crackle. She winced and rubbed her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Dawn," Kalli answered, quickly bundling the other woman's bedroll and blanket. She pushed the bedding into Bethany's chest and the other woman grabbed at it reflexively. _Keep her moving and acting and she won't have time to think over her changed circumstances._ It was a coping mechanism Kalli had often used on herself, particularly after leaving the alienage and Shianni behind. Wide awake now, Bethany secured her belongings and became simultaneously aware of two things – the first was that she was ravenously hungry. The second was a dull ache in her bladder and she found herself missing Gamlen's Lowtown house – it had a chamber pot.

Speaking in low tones so the men wouldn't overhear – she valued what little privacy remained to her – Bethany informed Kalli, "I need to pee."

Kalli nodded and inclined her head to the bushes she'd noticed on the way into camp last night. "Over there. I'll keep the boys away." Bethany nodded gratefully and walked quickly to the bushes yonder. Kalli positioned herself so as to obscure the view from prying eyes. "What's on the agenda for today, Stroud?"

The older warden smoothed down his moustache as he answered. "Some farmers in the area claim to have seen darkspawn. We have discovered several entrances to the deep roads; we enter at the nearest one and wipe out every spawn we find. Questions?"

Kalli nodded towards Redmond. "Just one. What's the story behind the scar?"

Redmond folded his arms and glowered at the elf. "Nosy one, aren't you?"

The elf shrugged but said nothing. Redmond shook his head. "Whatever." He traced a forefinger along the twisted scar on his face. "I got this from the last man who tried to cheat me at cards. Want to know what _he_ got?"

The corners of Kalli's lips tilted upward. "Dead, I'll wager?"

"Dead," Redmond confirmed. "Now, I don't know what _your_ story is but cross me, and you'll end up the same. Savvy?"

Kalli turned a questioning look at Stroud. "Denerim is between _us_, elf," he said quietly.

As Bethany returned to the smouldering camp fire, gnawing on a piece of bread from her pack, Kalli nodded to Redmond. "Savvy."

Æ

"How much has Stroud told you?" Kalli enquired of Bethany. The group of wardens had made good time, arriving at their intended destination an hour after sunrise. Over the course of the march south and east, the wardens had split into two distinct groups – Stroud, Redmond and Josef in the lead and a little ways behind, Bethany, Kalli and Circus. Kalli was glad of the circumstances, it allowed her the chance to properly acquaint herself with her charge and Bethany seemed glad of the company herself.

"Only a little, so far," Bethany answered, slightly out of breath. Though she was taller and longer of leg than the elf, Kalli moved with a seemingly effortless grace and alacrity, forcing Bethany into a jog to keep up. "I know about the dreams," _Maker, do I know about the dreams!_ "And the increased appetite."

Kalli shot a crooked smile at the young woman. "Don't worry about gaining weight. Even _without_ all the running and fighting a warden does in an average day, the taint just seems to consume everything. I'm yet to encounter a fat warden." Kalli paused, considering. "Except Oghren. But that's due to the amount of ale he drinks. Sodding drunk."

"Oghren?"

Kalli made a vague gesture with her hand. "Old acquaintance of mine." As they walked, following the lead group, Kalli locked eyes with Bethany, ensuring she had her attention. This was the important part. "What about the thirty-year lifespan issue?"

Bethany bit down on her lower lip and nodded. It didn't seem fair – aside from giving up their families and old lives, even if a potential recruit survived the Joining, the taint in their blood would _still_ claim them after around thirty years. If they weren't struck down in combat before then. Or suffered an accident. Or contracted a wasting disease and just faded away before they turned twenty-five. Bethany nodded. "Yes," she stated. "Stroud explained all that. It...seems like a heavy price to pay."

Kalli nodded. "It is." She offered up a wry smile, hoping to lighten the mood. "The good news is, you don't have to worry about that pretty face of yours coming over all wrinkled."

Unsure of how to reply to this observation, Bethany said nothing. After a moment, Kalli spoke, "May I ask a question?" When Bethany nodded, Kalli went on, "Stroud mentioned you were in the deep roads when you were tainted?"

"That's right. My brother and I were part of an expedition to explore an old thaig. We scrimped and saved for almost a year to fund the expedition, taking all kinds of paying work."

Kalli raised a hand. "Wait. You're telling me you _paid_ to go into the deep roads?"

Bethany nodded. Disbelieving, Kalli added, "With actual _money?_ On _purpose?"_

The young mage frowned at the elf. "You don't know what Kirkwall is like for refugees fleeing the Blight. We're treated worse than stray dogs. We _needed_ the profits from the expedition, just to buy us some breathing space and keep the templars off my back." Defensively, she added, "I'm an apostate. Any mage the templars can't control, they kill or make tranquil."

Kalli hung her head. _There you go again, Kalli old girl, making assumptions about things without all the facts._" I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Bethany sighed. "It's fine. Anyway, about the expedition." She shivered as she recalled the weeks underground. "We didn't find just darkspawn down there. We found an idol of some sort, made from pure lyrium."

Kalli narrowed her eyes. _Pure lyrium?_ "From your disquieted expression, I'm assuming the idol was problematic?"

"The dwarf in charge of the expedition, Bartrand, took the idol and sealed us inside the thaig. It took us days to find a way out and reach the surface." Bethany sighed. "And by that time, I was near death."

At Ostagar, Kalli had seen the corruption first-hand, in scouts returning from the Wilds – the chalky white skin, the visible lines of blackness pulsing beneath. Despite the best efforts of Circle healers, one by one those so afflicted succumbed or were fortunate enough to have friends slide a blade between their ribs and end their suffering. That the taint had almost taken one whose only crime was daring to improve her lot seemed like a grave injustice. "I...don't know what to say to that," Kalli replied softly.

"Neither do I. Anders knew of a group of wardens operating in the deep roads and took me to them. If he hadn't been able to convince Stroud..." Bethany's words trailed off at the look of recognition in the elf's face. With increasing curiosity, she said, "Anders is a warden, or was one. Did you know him?"

Unsure of how much of her past to reveal, Kalli asked, "This Anders you speak of, did he ever mention a cat?"

Bethany nodded excitedly. "Ser-Pounce-A-Lot!" After a moment she added, her tone accusatory. "He said the wardens made him get rid of the cat. They said it made him soft."

"Hey, don't look at me like," Kalli retorted defensively. "I _gave_ him that cat!" Kalli saw the look of amazement in the girl's face and cursed in low elvish.

"Anders said the Warden Commander of Ferelden gave him the cat. That's you!" Bethany exclaimed.

The elven warden nodded and sighed, "For my sins, yes."

Unable to contain her excitement, Bethany clapped her hands; she was in the presence of a living legend. Eyes aglow, the young woman began, "You're the Hero of-" Kalli lunged forward, clamping her hand firmly over Bethany's mouth, preventing the vocalisation of that last word. Against the palm of her hand, Bethany uttered "Mmmph!"

Circus stopped walking and looked over his shoulder at his mistress and the mistress' friend. Kalli and Bethany pulled up short; Kalli brought her face in close to Bethany's, hand still pressed over the girl's mouth. Staring into her wide brown eyes, Kalli hissed, "Don't _ever_ call me that!" Stunned by this sudden change in Kalli's demeanour, Bethany made no move to break free. Still eyeing her fiercely, Kalli demanded, "Nod your head if you understand." Bethany nodded jerkily. An instant later the hand was gone from her mouth and she gasped in a shocked breath.

"What's the matter with you?" Bethany spat angrily.

Kalli sighed heavily. "I'm not the person you think I am. I'm not the good and kind _hero_," she all but spat the word, "the bards sing of."

As they resumed walking, Circus again by his mistress' side, Bethany asked. "Why do you say such things? You saved the world. Maker, that sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud like that."

Shaking her head, Kalli replied, "Not just me. There were others the stories rarely mention – Wynne, Morrigan-"

Bethany broke back into the conversation, "Morrigan? I know that name."

Kalli shrugged, her manner indifferent. "Would not surprise me. She gets around."

Bethany folded her arms as she walked; the others had stopped a short distance ahead, standing around a rocky cleft in the earth – the entrance leading below she guessed. "You say you're not good," she asked her companion. "What did you mean?"

Kalli replied in lowered tones, "If we survive this little excursion, we can trade life stories. For now, suffice it to say I may have supported the wrong contender for the throne of Ferelden."

"Oh?" Bethany raised her eyebrows. "News from Ferelden takes time to arrive in Kirkwall but from what we've heard, the queen is an able ruler."

Kalli nodded. "True enough. She's also a right royal bitch."

Bethany gasped, afronted. "You can't say that about the queen!"

The elven woman smirked. "I've been heard to say much _worse_ things about Good Queen Anora." She waved to the wardens assembled at the entrance. "Come, the others are waiting." Under her breath she added, "I _hate_ the sodding deep roads."


	3. Potential

**3. Potential**

Stroud stood at one of many entrances to the network of tunnels connecting the cities of the once-great dwarven kingdoms, those few not already over-run with darkspawn at least, and peered into the depths. The now-risen sun provided enough light to make out the wide stone steps leading ever deeper into Thedas' crust. No more than a dozen paces in however, the stairs were swallowed in gloom. The senior warden turned to his fellows, shielding his eyes from the sun; though the day was yet young, he sweated lightly beneath his armour. "I sense no darkspawn though that is no surprise. No doubt we will find them further in. You," he pointed to Kalli, "Take Bethany with you and scout the area ahead of us for any traps or cave-ins-"

Kalli silenced the man with a raised hand. "I _do_ know what scouting ahead entails, Stroud," she patiently explained.

The Antivan nodded, letting this go. "Then you had best be about it. The rest of us will remain here until you return."

Bethany fidgeted with her staff and clothing, making sure all was properly tied and buckled. As she peered into the depths, her pulse quickened, a rapid beat beneath the red scarf at her throat. Memories of her last foray below ground were still too fresh in her mind – the musty air of the underground passages, the growls and snarls of darkspawn in nearby tunnels, the unremitting dread.

"Maker give me strength," she murmured. She looked over as Kalli laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Bethany inhaled a final breath of fresh, non-darkspawny air and nodded to herself. "I'm ready," she said firmly. The hand on her shoulder remained a moment longer, squeezed gently and was gone.

Kalli jauntily saluted Stroud, a show of bravado more for Bethany's benefit than anyone else. "If we're not back in a hour, assume we've died horribly," she said with an incongruously sunny smile. Kalli slapped her thigh and Circus came obediently to heel. Drawing forth a longsword from its sheath on her back, Kalli began the descent into the deep roads. After taking a final look around her – the sunny cloudless sky, the blades of tall grass swaying gently in the breeze – Bethany too headed down, staff in hand.

Once at the base of the steps, Bethany looked back; the entrance now little more than a bright square of light, dust motes dancing in the shaft of sunlight from above. The young woman swallowed, hands firming around her staff and put the light behind her. Kalli and Circus set off at a cautious pace, the elf's keen green-eyed gaze flitting up, down, left and right, seeking tripwires and the slightly raised lip of pressure plates. Finding none, the trio ventured further in, the interior of the underground corridor stretching ahead of them into darkness.

Kalli's eyes soon acclimated to the lack of light. Though she saw nothing of note, her keen ears detected a faint sound as something scraped against the stone further ahead. Head tilted to the right, Kalli attempted to determine the nature of the sound. _Not darkspawn, we would have sensed them already. Probably giant spiders. Joy of joys._ Bethany eyed the elf – the Hero – curiously. "What is it?" she asked, voice low.

"Spiders, most likely. Keep an eye on the ceilings, they like to drop in from above."

Bethany nodded. "I know." As the pair of wardens set off, she asked, "What are you expecting to find down here?"

Gaze constantly roaming their stone surrounds, Kalli answered, "If we're lucky, only a nest of spiders. Darkspawn if we're unlucky." She paused. "If we're _very_ unlucky, a brood mother."

"What's a-" Bethany began.

Kalli cut her off, "You don't want to know. You _really_ don't want to know."

Bethany fell silent; the look on the face of the Hero _No, don't call her that!_ was distinctly uneasy as she spoke of this brood mother. _It must be bad, if it has her worried._

Circus moved on ahead of his mistress, nose to the cracked flagstones, nostrils flaring as he took in the array of scents – dust, the residue of the dark ones, rat droppings though sadly, nothing edible. A rustle of movement from above brought him up short and he barked out a warning as a large bulbous creature descended from the high stone ceiling on a runner of silk. Even as the spider's multiple legs touched the floor, Circus was upon it, powerful jaws snapping shut around a leg as his weight bore down on the arachnid. The over-sized spider emitted a piercing squeal as the mabari crunched through the leg, black ichor pulsing out.

Circus recoiled, furiously shaking his head in an attempt to cast the taste from his mouth. Scuttling forward on its remaining limbs, the spider reared back to strike, droplets of venom spattering the floor, sizzling where they landed. Aiding the hound, Kalli rushed forward, blades cleaving more legs from the beast. Bethany spun, staff raised in a guard position as a trio of spiders dropped in behind her, hissing. "Flames!" she cursed, directing several arcane bolts from the staff, forcing back the foremost creature. Swinging her left arm in a wide arc, the mage summoned a half-circle of intense, numbing cold and turned the season in the immediate vicinity from summer to winter.

Skin rippling with gooseflesh, Kalli turned from the crumpled remains of her foe and beheld an impressive sight – three more of the beasts frozen where they stood, draped with icicles. As she looked on, Bethany slammed the butt of her staff into the nearest one, opening a network of thin cracks. An instant later the creature shattered; shards of frozen arachnid ricocheting off the dwarven paragons carved into the walls.

Drawing a pair of throwing knives from the wide leather strap around her torso, Kalli stepped first to Bethany's left then right, the blades embedding themselves in the remaining spiders. Though she was reasonably sure they were all dead, Kalli experienced slight disappointment – her knives hadn't imparted enough impact to shatter her targets.

As Bethany turned to face the elf, the spell wore off and the creatures slumped to the floor, ice water disappearing between the cracks in the stone flooring. Kalli slipped past Bethany and retrieved her blades. Sliding them home, she complimented the younger woman. "Nicely done."

Bethany smiled slightly and shrugged as though to say _it's nothing. _She turned her attention to the mabari; Circus pawed at his muzzle, whimpering. Runners of drool fell from his jaws to the floor. "Is he going to be all right?" Bethany asked.

Kalli knelt by the dog's side and removed a crumbling piece of dried mabari crunch from a pouch at her belt. "Here boy. This will take that nasty taste away." Circus barked and swallowed the offered treat in two bites. Bethany looked on with a smile as Kalli fussed over the dog. "Who's a good boy, then? You are!" Circus barked again as though in agreement. Kalli stood, caught Bethany's smile and frowned. "What?"

"He obviously means a lot to you," she replied.

The elf nodded. "He's been with me since just after Ostagar. Darkspawn killed his old master and he adopted me." As she spoke, Kalli scratched the hound between the ears before the trio continued onwards. "Have you always lived outside the Circle?" Kalli asked as she resumed scouting.

"Yes. My family sacrificed a lot to keep my father and I safe. We couldn't stay in one place for too long for fear of attracting the attention of the templars."

Kalli raised an eyebrow. "You father? He was a mage as well?"

Bethany nodded, stepping around a small pile of rubble fallen from a damaged wall. "The Amells have always harboured magic in their lineage." After a moment she explained further. "My mother was betrothed to the Comte de Launcet but met and fell in love with my father, Malcom Hawke. They eloped and left the Free Marches for Ferelden."

Kalli smiled wryly. "I bet _that _went over well with the family."

"Until very recently, my mother had always believed her family hated her for what she did. As it turned out, my uncle Gamlen took the family fortune for himself, after my grandparents died."

"Your uncle sounds like such a delightful rogue!" Kalli replied with mock enthusiasm. "I simply cannot wait to meet him!"

Despite the situation – the taint, the nightmares, her longing for home - Bethany found herself laughing. "He isn't so bad. He's my family. Each other is all we have."

The other warden nodded. "I can understand that. My cousins, Shianni and Soris are all the family I have left, aside from my father. The reason I asked about the Circle is this – I wanted to know where you received your training. Your father?"

"That's right. Father was a Circle mage but escaped. He began teaching me as soon as my magic manifested itself. I was six, I think. If not for my family, I'd likely be in the Circle by now."

Kalli frowned. "Not right," she muttered, "Taking small children away from their families and locking them in some tower for the rest of their lives."

Bethany smiled. "You sound like Anders. I'm not sure how far he would go to resist the templars." She stopped walking as the corridor through which they travelled opened into a vast subterranean space hundreds of metres across. Thick stone columns supported the ceiling and spaced evenly along each wall were large stone sculptures of dwarven paragons.

Head cocked to the right, Kalli stood beside Bethany, a restraining hand on Circus' collar. "Can you hear it?" she asked, voice low. As though from inside her own mind came a sibilant hiss and Kalli knew that, were she to listen for long enough, she'd discern the occasional word. Casting a sidelong glance at Bethany, Kalli saw a line in her forehead as she struggled to sense something. "Don't try to force it. Let it come."

Bethany nodded, unfocused her eyes until she was looking at nothing in particular and began breathing slowly and rhythmically as father had taught her, gathering herself as though for battle. Something seemed to brush lightly against her mind and was gone. "I felt something," she informed Kalli. "Almost like a cobweb brushing against me but in _here_," she tapped her forehead.

Kalli nodded, pleased. "Good. We should return to the surface and tell the others."

Æ

Kalli squinted against the morning's bright glare as she and Bethany ascended the last step. Stroud and the others stood nearby, Redmond and the Antivan keeping watch while Josef played a small flute-like instrument while he awaited the scouts' return. Josef slipped the instrument into his pack, taking up his bow as Kalli and Bethany emerged, the elf's dog at her heel.

The archer did not quite know what to make of the elf – Stroud spoke very little of her and she'd spent much of her time thus far in Bethany's company. Despite Stroud's initial misgivings, Josef believed the young mage would acquit herself well, given time to adjust. And what band of adventurers _didn't _count a mage among their number? It was almost an unwritten law of the land, a cliché repeated innumerable times in the tales of adventure Josef had read as a boy – the mighty warrior, the archer, the dashing rogue and the wizard. In the tales however, the wizard was generally described as an elderly fellow with a long white beard, not a pretty young woman. Not that Josef was complaining about that last part.

"So," Stroud began, "What have you to report?"

"Giant spiders," Kalli responded, her calm demeanour suggesting _business as usual._ "Further in, the tunnel opens into a grand chamber. Darkspawn in there for certain." She tilted her head, indicating Bethany. "She felt them as well. Bethany has potential, Stroud. Give her some time to settle into this new life and she'll do well." Kalli smiled crookedly, "And you should see how easily she dispatched those spiders. Three at once, just like _that_." The elf snapped her fingers.

Bethany felt lighter than she had in many weeks as Kalli openly lauded her efforts. The senior warden nodded graciously toward her as Josef said, "Well done." He glanced at his fellow warden – even Redmond seemed impressed.

After a moment, Stroud took up his blade. "Come, there are darkspawn waiting to meet the abyss. Bethany," he addressed the young mage, "Take the lead."

Bethany spared Kalli a questioning glance. "I'm with you," the elf replied in soft tones.

Squaring her shoulders, Bethany started back down, her companions behind her. The assembled wardens made swift progress, soon arriving at the large open chamber. Again, Bethany felt something brush against her mind, an unknown _other_ whispering to her. "I can feel them," she murmured. "Stronger now..." eyes wide, she snapped her staff up, assuming a defensive posture, "They're coming!" Even as she spoke, Josef nocked an arrow to his bow and let fly, the arrow shaft embedding itself in a genlock's right eye.

Fanning out of the corridor to give themselves room to move, the five wardens and Circus encountered heavy resistance as seemingly dozens of darkspawn swept into the open, roaring out challenges. Redmond and Stroud led the counter-assault, swords cleaving limbs and severing heads with every swing. Within moments, the stone floor was awash with tainted blood, the wardens' armour liberally streaked with gore. Dancing nimbly around the larger hurlocks comprising the enemy vanguard, Kalli swiftly brought several down as she backstabbed her way through their ranks.

_There's too many of them!_ Bethany realised as the enemy rallied against the wardens, slowly forcing them back. "Fall back to the corridor!" Stroud ordered, shouting to make himself heard over the ringing clash of steel on steel. "'We will take them as they attempt to follow, one by one." Bethany nodded as she backed towards the mouth of the corridor – a natural choke point where the enemy's superior numbers would work against them. "Circus!" Kalli shouted as she too retreated – _No, I'm advancing toward the rear!_ The dog obediently abandoned the hurlock whose leg he was using as a chew toy and bounded towards his mistress.

Clustered inside the corridor, the wardens pulled further back, drawing the darkspawn towards them. The narrow corridor forced them to enter one by one, Josef felling each of them with precision archery. Kalli shot Bethany a glance, "If you have any more tricks up your sleeve, this would be a _really_ good time to pull them out!"

By way of reply, the mage raised her arms, a rush of heat surging through her and summoned forth an inferno. The intense flames immolated the bulk of the darkspawn and Kalli felt her face redden as the ambient temperature rose in the corridor. "Andraste's _tits!" _Redmond breathed as the flames died down, revealing the charred remains of dozens of hurlocks, the stench of burned flesh heavy in the air. A few survivors uttered guttural moans, as they attempted to crawl away.

Kalli drew a blade and picked a cautious path through the fire-blackened bodies, putting the rest to the sword. She turned as Bethany asked, hands still raised, "Is that all of them?"

The elf tipped her head back and laughed as the rush of battle receded. Smiling she replied. "All of them and then some."

Stroud cocked his head to one side as though listening for something. After a moment, he nodded to himself, satisfied. "I sense no more darkspawn." He turned to Bethany, sheathing his weapon. "Well done. If not for you, this would have ended very differently."

Redmond elbowed his companion, "Josef might have had to get his hands dirty, fighting up close for a change."

The archer shot his friend an obscene hand gesture. Stroud clapped his hands and the assembled wardens turned to face him. "Good work, all of you," as he spoke, his eyes met those of his fellows in turn. "There is still much to do but for now, we return to the surface."

Heading out once more, Kalli gave Bethany a fierce one-armed hug. "I'm damn glad you're on _our_ side, Bethany."


	4. Trading Life Stories

**4. Trading Life Stories**

As the day wound its inexorable way toward dusk, Stroud led his group away from the countryside around Kirkwall, and Bethany's old life fell ever farther away from her. The possibility that she would never again see her family weighed heavily upon her and, unnoticed by the men, Bethany's lips quivered as she walked, silent tears carving lines through the dust on her face. Walking beside the woman, lost in her own thoughts, Kalli almost didn't see Bethany wipe away the tears. Kalli _did_ see, however and felt moved to respond, clasping Bethany's right hand in her left, squeezing it reassuringly for a long moment.

Bethany turned her face towards the elf as Kalli released her hand. Speaking softly so as to not draw the others' attention, Kalli enquired, "Are you all right?"

Shutting her eyes tight against more tears, Bethany nodded. "I will be. Thank you. I..." she trailed off and looked away from the elf, throat working as she struggled to master her emotions. "I'm sorry," she said after a moment, voice hitching.

"Don't be," Kalli replied. "What you've been through recently, it is a huge thing to deal with. If you ever want to talk about anything-"

"I don't wish to burden you with my problems," Bethany said, shaking her head.

Kalli laughed softly. "_You _are no burden. I mean it, though. When we arrive at our intended destination, we'll sit and talk. I told you we could trade life stories and I meant it. But if it's your wish, I'll leave you be."

"No. I appreciate it, Kalli." Bethany sighed, the excitement of the morning's skirmish having long since abated. "Mother will be beside herself with worry by now and Garrett is likely kicking himself for bringing me on the expedition."

"Garrett's your brother, I gather?"

Bethany nodded. "My older brother. I had a twin. Carver." Bethany sniffed. "The Blight," she finished, unable to go on.

Again, Kalli gripped the young woman's hand. "You have my sympathy. For whatever _that's_ worth."

Bethany swallowed, choking back a sob. "Thank you," she whispered. After a moment, she continued, voice stronger. "He could be _so_ infuriating at times but he was my brother and I _miss _him."

Sensing the younger woman was only a memory or two away from breaking entirely, Kalli hastened to find a different topic of discussion. She inclined her head toward the rest of the group. "What are your impressions of the others?"

As before, Stroud, Redmond and Josef walked a moderate distance ahead of the women, occasionally talking quietly amongst themselves. Likely about the women, Kalli guessed. _If I know shems, they're likely comparing our womanly assets _she thought with a grim smile.

She cast a glance at Bethany. Even with the fine patina of road dust clinging to her clothing and skin and eyes red with unshed tears, she was gorgeous. And vulnerable. Maker alone knew how long it had been since the men had been with a woman and Kalli swore an oath to herself to keep Bethany safe from any unwelcome attention.

If Bethany were to kindle a relationship with one of the others and slept with him of her own accord, then Kalli would not interfere but if _any _of them were disinclined to keep what was in their pants in their pants, there would be blood. Kalli's lips tilted upward in a wicked grin. Blood and a great deal of screaming.

"I haven't gotten to know the others very well," Bethany began. "I think they see me as a liability."

Kalli raised an eyebrow. "After this morning?"

Bethany shrugged. "I've never been apart from my family before. I feel as though I don't fit here."

The elf remained silent a moment, considering. "I think I know what you mean. I was born in the Denerim alienage, spent my life there. My cousins and I used to go out into the rest of the city together sometimes. But never alone. It isn't safe." Kalli forced herself to think of something else – every time she thought of what had befallen Shianni, rage and guilt all but overwhelmed her being. "Bethany, listen." The younger woman's head turned to her as she continued walking. "The others will come around. Wardens tend to be a fairly close-knit community – we look out for each other." She smiled, "And if they don't come around, I'm here. Us against the world."

Bethany laughed softly. "I'd like that."

The women fell into a companionable silence after that until Kalli asked, "So, which of them do you fancy?"

Eyes wide, Bethany answered, "Kalli!" _Maker! Isabela would love her!_

The elf replied with a laugh, "Oh come on. What do you think _they're_ discussing? Philosophy? I've spent enough time in the wilderness with shemlen males to know how they think."

Feeling her face blush, Bethany asked, "And _how _do they think?"

Kalli pointed to Redmond's broad back, "Take friend Redmond, for example. _He's_ thinking, _The elf has nice big eyes but Bethany-" _Kalli placed two fingers in her mouth and wolf-whistled. Curiously, the men looked over their shoulders. Kalli smiled and waved. The one named Josef raised a hand in reply though his gaze was directed at Bethany. The mage flushed almost scarlet. "You're awful!" she hissed.

The elf laughed again. "Did you catch that look just then? The 'I don't know that girl but I _want _to know her' look."

"Kalli!" Yes, Isabela would _definitely_ love her.

Æ

The wardens stopped for the evening at a little hamlet – little more than farmland enveloping a collection of small houses, a tavern, Chantry and trading post. The road-weary travellers made for the tavern; the sunset painting the horizon an array of red and orange.  
>A few farmers returning home from a day in the fields nodded to the strangers. The group halted outside the tavern's iron-banded wooden door as above them, the sign bearing the establishment's name – <em>Weary Travellers' Rest – <em>creaked slightly in the light breeze.

Stroud rubbed at tired, gritty eyes for a moment before he addressed his fellows. "I shall see if there are any rooms available here. The rest of you can make yourselves comfortable inside."

"Thank blessed Andraste," Josef muttered as he pushed open the door, holding it for his fellows. "Feels like my feet are going to snap off at the ankles."

Bethany nodded her thanks to the man as she entered the tavern. Initially the interior space reminded her of Dane's Refuge in Lothering and The Hanged Man in equal measure. A second, longer look at the bear and deer trophies mounted on the wooden walls and the large black bear's pelt in the centre of the main room revealed it was not much like either.

The atmosphere inside the Weary Travellers' Rest was less offensive to the nose as well. The air inside the Hanged Man always seemed to carry a faint reek of stale vomit and piss. The young mage found herself missing the place, though. Perhaps it was less the place and more her companions. _I miss Varric's tales. I miss Isabela's sense of humour and the way she loves to bait Aveline._

Circus padded past Bethany, sniffing his way around this new environment until he reached the bear-rug, upon which he fell into a deep sleep. Kalli lingered in the doorway a moment after the rest entered, green-eyed gaze traversing the room, assessing the overall threat level. The tavern was sparsely populated with only a few tables occupied and none of those in attendance – farmhands and labourers judging by their clothing took much notice of the newcomers beyond a brief glance as they entered.

Kalli noted one man's eyes widen appreciatively as Bethany stepped past the bar. _I don't think she realises how many heads turn in her presence._ Kalli felt the same man's eyes upon her as she walked into the tavern proper. The man's gaze swept down then up before settling on Kalli's modest bust. _Then again maybe it's just a case of any port in a storm. Bloody shems._

As Stroud spoke to the large-bellied bartender about the rooms, the other wardens settled themselves around a large rounded table at the rear of the establishment. Kalli unsheathed the blades on her back and fell gratefully into a seat, weapons resting against the side of her chair, within easy reach. Bethany slid into the wooden chair beside her, staff propped against the table. Josef and Redmond claimed chairs opposite the women, leaving a seat for Stroud. As the senior warden arrived at the table, bearing a tray laden with pints of ale, Bethany asked of Kalli, "Why do you carry so many blades?"

Kalli ran a hand through her mane of dark hair, wincing as her fingers tangled in a knot. _I'm going to need a haircut soon. _To Bethany she said, "A few reasons – partly because I like to be prepared for any eventuality, partly because I'm a pack-rat."

Redmond took up a pint and grinned, "Pack-rat? How many of those blades are stolen?"

The elf favoured the human with a tight smile. "All of them," she answered. "We elvhen, we just _love_ taking things that don't belong to us. _Especially_ bright, shiny objects!"

The shem's eyes narrowed for a moment before he laughed. Redmond swigged his ale. "You're not bad, elf."

Stroud settled himself into the empty chair with a sigh. Addressing the group at large, he began. "I have secured two rooms for the evening." He nodded to Bethany and Kalli. "The ladies will have the luxury of their own room."

Kalli nodded her thanks to the elder warden. Stroud cracked a smile, "Of course, luxury is a relative term – I understand the lodgings are quite primitive."

"It doesn't matter," Bethany put in, taking a mouthful of her ale. "I'm just glad of a bed." Bethany swallowed the drink with a grimace, placed the pint back on the table.

Redmond grinned at the girl's discomfiture. "Don't drink it like that – all ladylike," he gently admonished. "Drink it like _this."_ The warrior grabbed his stein, raised it to his mouth and, head tilted back, drank off the pint in moments, rivulets of amber fluid running down his stubbled chin. Redmond banged the now-empty mug down on the table and wiped his face.

Kalli looked on with a smile as, urged on by the others, Bethany gamely raised the mug in both hands and attempted to emulate Redmond's example. Head thrown back, Bethany's throat worked as she drank down the bitter-tasting ale. Feeling somewhat light-headed, she lowered the mug as Redmond and Josef applauded. "Another round!" Redmond called to the barkeep.

Æ

"I shouldn't be alive," Kalli spoke quietly. The former Warden Commander had spent much of the evening deciding how best to explain things to Bethany, once the wardens had retired to their respective rooms for the night. In the end, she decided to start at the end – the events surrounding the Landsmeet and her actions. Stroud had been right when he referred to the lodgings as primitive – the room was a stark contrast to the tavern's well-furnished main room with only a set of bunk beds against one wall along with a rough wooden table and two chairs.

On the bright side, there _was_ a dull metal wash basin and strips of old cloth on the table, allowing the women a brief, cold sponge bath before settling in for the night. Kalli turned away from Bethany as she washed, staring steadfastly at the unvarnished wall.

"Why do you say such a thing?" Bethany now replied, leaning across the table.

"Have you never wondered why only a grey warden can kill an archdemon? After all, if _anybody_ could do it, the world would have no need of us."

Kalli leaned back in her seat, giving Bethany time to consider her answer. The elf idly stroked Circus' fur as the mabari slumbered beside her. Carefully observing the other woman, Kalli saw Bethany's eyes widen as realisation stuck. "It's the taint, isn't it?" she quietly asked.

The elven woman nodded. "Most people believe that, between Blights, the darkspawn just _disappear."_ She waved a hand through the air, fingers twitching as though casting a spell. Bethany nodded in understanding as Kalli continued. "Truth is, the surviving spawn, most of them, return to the deep roads. Without an archdemon to lead them, they continue tunnelling into the earth, seeking to free yet another old god. When they find one," Kalli rested her forearms on the table, looking into Bethany's brown eyes for emphasis, "Their taint corrupts the god and we have another archdemon." Kalli leaned back once more, hand returning to the dog.

Bethany chewed her lower lip for a moment. "What would happen if somebody who _wasn't _a warden killed the archdemon?"

"When an archdemon dies, it's soul or whatever it is jumps to the nearest darkspawn and _that_ becomes an archdemon. Kill that and the soul jumps again."

"Maker's breath," Bethany murmured, "The archdemon sounds invulnerable."

"It is." Kalli nodded. "_Unless_ a grey warden – somebody who _also_ carries the taint kills it. Then the soul tries to possess the warden." Kalli paused a moment. "Care to guess what happens when the archdemon tries to possess somebody who _already_ has a soul?"

"I...I suppose they would _both_ die. Maker, that's terrible." Bethany shook her head, confusion writ large across her face. "Then how did you survive? The stories _are _true, aren't they? You _did_ kill it yourself?"

Kalli nodded. "Picked up a greatsword longer than I am tall and ran its head through." Kalli sighed and looked away, studying the night sky through the room's single window. A few stars were visible as was the waxing moon. "How did I survive?" she spoke quietly, and Bethany leaned forward, the better to hear. "I was young and stupid." Kalli said flatly.

Head tilted to one side, Bethany answered, "You're not much older than I am."

The elf turned to face her, lips curved in a wry smile. She raised a hand in surrender. "Fine. I was _younger_ and _stupider._" She sighed again and to Bethany, that single exhalation of breath sounded as though the elf shouldered a great burden. "I was young, stupid, selfish." She sniffed. "And in love."

The mage blinked in surprise. "I wasn't expecting that," she admitted.

Kalli smirked, leathers creaking as she shifted in her seat. "Yes, the story-tellers seem obsessed with presenting me as a fair maiden, pure of heart and a kind, noble soul." She raised a hand, forestalling any protest from Bethany. "Want to know _how _I became a warden? I don't mean the Joining part – you already know of that. I mean how I was recruited?"

Bethany nodded. Kalli began, speaking slowly at first, feeling the pain as she recounted the events in the alienage – the day of her arranged marriage to an elf from another city, Duncan's presence and how the shemlen nobles had strode in as though they owned the place. "Nobles believe they own_ everything._ And everybody," Kalli added bitterly. "The arl of Denerim's son, Vaughan and his fellows abducted me and my bridal party including my cousin Shianni. I don't think I have to explain to you what they intended to do with us."

Not knowing how else to respond, Bethany reached across the table and clasped the elf's hand. "I...don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

Kalli looked down at the hand a moment. "They didn't get a chance to...have me. The warden, Duncan gave Soris a sword. Duncan couldn't get involved in things directly but Soris took that blade," Kalli rose from her seat and picked up the longsword by the bed, "_This_ blade and he cut his way into the arl's castle and freed me." Kalli replaced the sword and returned to her chair. "But the shems had already taken Shianni away and killed another of my bridal party – someone I'd known my entire life. My betrothed accompanied Soris to the estate and he too was cut down, right in front of me."

Something about Kalli's matter of fact delivery, the way her eyes seemed to stare helplessly into the past as though seeing the events unfold all over again, moved Bethany to tears and she wiped her eyes. The elf continued. "Soris and I, we...well I guess you could say we went berserk. I was so _angry _at what they'd done, consumed with rage. Do you know how that feels?"

"No," was all Bethany could say.

"We stalked the halls of the estate, killed every damn shem we could find – guards, cooks it didn't matter. I lost all track of time but eventually we found Shianni. And that bastard Vaughan." Kalli inhaled a shuddering breath, looked away again. Dark clouds had obscured the moon. "But he had already...taken Shianni. If I hadn't been so blinded with rage, so obsessed with making them_ pay_, I could have saved her. I _should_ have saved her." When she looked back at Bethany, Kalli's eyes brimmed with tears. Once more Bethany took her hand, an empty gesture but all she could offer.

Kalli wiped her eyes and made a visible effort to master herself. "I'm sorry," she said dully.

"You have nothing to apologise for."

"Don't I?" Kalli shot back. "Shianni...what was _done _to her, that was _my_ fault. I slaughtered my way through that place and by the dread wolf, I _enjoyed it._" Perhaps reacting to the stress in his mistress' voice, Circus rose to his feet and rested his head in her lap, whining gently. "I saved her, yes but if I'd been thinking clearly, I could have reached her earlier."

Aware that nothing she could say or do would ease the elf's feelings of guilt and remorse, Bethany made no reply. Voice unsteady, she asked, "What happened after?"

"We got Shianni home. Wasn't long before the city guards arrived to arrest Soris and I. I wouldn't let him take any blame, though. If anybody had to face punishment, it was going to be me." Kalli's lips twisted in a humourless smile. "You should have seen the look on the idiot guard's face when I told him _I _alone was responsible for the bloodbath in the estate." Kalli paused as though savouring the memory. After a moment, she continued. "They were all set to arrest me and have me executed when Duncan intervened and invoked the Right of Conscription."

"What's that?" Bethany enquired.

"Wardens usually select potential recruits based on their skill in battle – knights, warriors and such. Occasionally, if they find a promising candidate, say somebody who's just killed an estate full of people and is about to be arrested, tried and executed, they conscript that person." Kalli paused for effect. "And the Right of Conscription is absolute. The person on whom it is invoked has no say. Neither does anybody else. I went willingly though." Kalli shrugged. "It was either this or hanging."

Silence, broken only by the faint sounds of their breathing settled over the women. Bethany did not know what to think. No wonder the elves viewed humans with suspicion. What if _she_ were in Shianni's position? _My brothers would have gone to any lengths to get me back._ Shifting in her seat, Bethany asked, "Before, you said you were in love?"

Kalli nodded, smiling a little. "You forgot young, stupid and selfish. But yes. I met somebody, after Ostagar. A human, if you can believe that. We had stopped at a small village, Lothering."

Excitedly, Bethany answered, "We _lived_ in Lothering!"

This unexpected revelation lifted Kalli's spirits and she began to wonder what else she and Bethany might have in common. "Perhaps you knew her, then? Her name was Leliana." She paused, studying Bethany's expression. The woman's eye's widened, perhaps in recognition of the name, perhaps not. "Does that shock you?" she asked. "That I loved another woman?"

Bethany shook her head. "Maybe a year or two ago it might have but..." she laughed to herself. In response to Kalli's raised eyebrows, she explained, "A friend of mine in Kirkwall told me she's been with _men, women, elves. A dwarf in drag once._ But she doesn't recommend it."

Kalli laughed. "A dwarf in drag!" she echoed. "Oh stars! One of these days, we'll return to Kirkwall. I _must_ meet your friends."

Bethany smiled. "I knew Sister Leliana, but not well. We sometimes saw her at the Chantry. I didn't spend a lot of time around there. Templars," she clarified.

"Yes," Kalli answered. "We met Leliana and she joined our group when we departed Lothering." She sighed. "That village deserved a better fate." Bethany nodded in silent agreement. "I can't point to when it happened," Kalli continued. "But she and I...grew close. She was a bard and loved to tell stories. I loved listening to them. Actually, I just loved the sound of her voice. Her voice, her smile. Her...holy Andraste, I sound like a giddy teenage girl with her first crush!"

Bethany shook her head and smiled. "I'm glad the two of you were able to find some happiness."

"So," Kalli continued in lowered tones. "I was in love and didn't want to die. Selfish."

"But all you wanted was for you and Leliana to be together. To be _happy_. Surely that can't be so bad?"

Kalli's voice firmed. "A grey warden puts service to others above everything else, even love. Wynne had been right – she told me something like that would happen. I think she knew...about the taint and archdemon. She told me to let Leliana go." Kalli choked back a sob, her emotions in turmoil. "I couldn't do it. Then, after the Landsmeet, Morrigan came to me and told me of a ritual that would save me. I was weak and accepted."

Shaking her head so hard tendrils of hair took flight, Bethany protested, "You aren't weak."

Kalli laughed harshly. "_Look _at me! I'm sitting here about to fall apart in front of you."

"Why are you so hard on yourself? Surely after everything you've accomplished, you deserve-"

"No," Kalli cut her off, voice hard. She voiced part of the Warden Oath. "_In war, victory. In peace, vigilance."_

Bethany let this go; perhaps her companion was right. "You mentioned a ritual? What did it entail?"

"I don't know what manner of magic Morrigan used. It involved sex, though." Kalli's mouth twisted in a lopsided grin. "_Not_ with me, with Loghain. Morrigan was quite attractive, physically. Some days though...I could have cheerfully strangled her and turned her into dog chow." At this, Circus whined and Kalli scratched between his ears. "You're right, she _would _have tasted bitter." Kalli elaborated for Bethany. "You know that, at the Landsmeet, I fought Teyryn Loghain?"

Bethany said nothing. It was this aspect of the warden's tale she was most curious about. According to her brothers, Loghain's betrayal at Ostagar culminated in the slaughter of the army. Surely, the teyryn should have faced judgement? Kalli noted the woman's silence. "Your brothers fought at Ostagar?" she ventured a guess.

"Yes," Bethany replied neutrally.

"And you want to know why the man who betrayed the king and left the army to die yet lives?"

"I realise executing him would not bring them back but I can't help but feel..." Bethany opened and closed her hands. "He shouldn't have been allowed to get away with it."

"Despite everything he did, Loghain was still the same man who threw out the Orlesians and men respected him. He knew how to lead men in battle and in all honesty, how many shems would have followed _me,_ a half-literate elf from the alienage? At the time, I honestly believed we needed him to win. So I spared him and he became a grey warden. Alistair screamed at me. I screamed back and Alistair left." Kalli shook her head. "I haven't seen him since, don't know what became of him."

"It's probably not the same man but before I left Kirkwall, somebody named Alistair was drinking in the Hanged Man," Bethany explained. "He claimed he was the legitimate heir to the throne. We all assumed he was just very drunk. But now it makes sense."

Tiredly, Kalli rubbed her face with her hands. "Wonderful. Yet _another_ decision with which to flagellate myself."

Reaching across the table, Bethany took her friend's hand in both of hers. "Listen," she began, voice firm. "You can't keep punishing yourself like this."

Listlessly, Kalli replied, "If I don't, who will?"

Still holding Kalli's hand, Bethany asked, "Are you willing to hear some advice from somebody completely out of her depth?" When Kalli nodded, Bethany took a breath before forging on. "You have to stop letting your past mistakes rule your life. You can't change the past but you can learn from it."

"I'm trying," Kalli replied. "You are right, of course. I'll think about what you said." Gently, Kalli removed her hand from Bethany's warm grasp. Abruptly she rose, pushed the chair against the table and faced the bunks. "You want the top or the bottom?" she enquired.

"Bottom," Bethany replied. She watched as Kalli nimbly ascended the rough wooden ladder affixed to the bunks and climbed into the hard bed. "Good night, Kalli."

**Author's Note:** So this chapter ran longer than I expected but apparently, Kalli had a lot to say.


	5. Letters Home

**Author's Note:** For those wondering at the reason for the length of time between the last chapter and this, first I decided to take time off writing. Then I got a lot of extra work down at the local cube farm. Also, I don't usually do this but this chapter goes out to MelindaOz who, after searching through the now 6000 plus other stories in the Dragon Age fandom, took the time to actually review. Rock on.

**5. Letters Home**

"So then Hawke kicks in the door," Varric said. The audience members within The Hanged Man leaned forward expectantly, hanging on his every word. _What do you get out of telling these tall tales?_ Hawke had asked him once. Were the human here now, Varric would have nodded to the audience, pointed out the rapt expressions on peoples' faces be they human, dwarf or elf. _Everybody_ enjoyed a good story and in Varric's own opinion at least, his stories were pretty good. _Everybody enjoys a good story?_ He questioned himself. _Well probably not the qunari _he answered himself after a moment; in all likelihood, telling stories didn't satisfy a demand of the qun.

The dwarven merchant leaned forward in his seat. "The Coterie leader looks up, startled and demands 'By Andraste's pyre! Who are you?' To which Hawke replies, 'I'm the party pooper.'"

Varric looked up, past the tavern's retinue of regulars as the door opened and Hawke strode in, easily weaving a path through the early evening crowd despite his size. The human clutched parchments in his gauntleted hand, a smile bringing a spark to his eyes absent since the deep roads expedition months past.

A cry of "What happened then?" brought Varric's attention back to the crowd, by now shifting impatiently as they waited for him to continue. Though it pained him greatly, Varric raised his hands and apologised. "I'm afraid the rest of this story will have to wait." The disappointed patrons dispersed, voicing their displeasure in low mutters. Varric caught Edwina's eye and signalled for her to fetch a round of drinks for the crowd. The merchant rose from his rough-hewn wooden seat as his companion arrived. "What news, Hawke?"

The Ferelden handed Varric the parchments. The documents bore the seal of the grey wardens in red wax and possessed the crumpled look that spoke of having passed through several couriers before arriving in Kirkwall. "She's alive!" Hawke announced, relief evident in his voice. "Varric, Bethany's alive!"

Varric's face broke into a grin rivalling Hawke's. "Great ancestors! That's wonderful news."

Casting his gaze downward, Varric silently read the first letter, marvelling as always at the stark contrast between Sunshine's neat, flowing script and her brother's chicken scratches.

_Dearest Brother,_

_It's official – I'm a grey warden though I'm still__ coming to terms with what that all means. At first I had the most awful dreams but they're steadily becoming less frequent, thank the Maker. Life among the wardens can be tough and their training regimen is brutal, so much so that Stroud told me he's glad to have a healer among them. _

_Garrett, I know you must be worried about me but please don't blame yourself for what happened in the deep roads. I wanted to come on the expedition and somehow, remaining in Kirkwall seemed like a very bad idea. The group I'm travelling with looks after one another so please believe me when I say I'm doing well._

_One of the wardens in Stroud's group fought the darkspawn during the Blight in Ferelden and we've become good friends but I shouldn't say more than that. She can be a bit touchy on that topic._

_Please give my love to Mother, Uncle Gamlen and our friends and tell them not to worry. I will write again when I can._

_All my love,_

_Bethany_

Varric looked up at Hawke and smiled. "After seeing how close she was to death in the deep roads, I can't imagine how good it must feel, knowing she's alive."

"Mother can't contain her joy," Hawke answered. "She hasn't been happier since we came to Kirkwall." Nodding at the unread letter in his friend's hand, he added. "Read the second one."

_Serrah Hawke,_

_You do not know me but I am a warden and friend to your sister._

_I write to assure you that Bethany is well and I will do all I can to safeguard her and provide what guidance I can regarding life as a warden. I fear I am not the best of role models for her, however._

_We will be moving on to other parts of the Free Marches soon but before we do I hope to visit Kirkwall with Bethany._

_Sincerely,_

_Kalli of the Wardens_

"What do you make of that, Varric?"

Handing the letters back, Varric replied, "That's from the Ferelden warden, I take it?"

Hawke nodded.

Varric rubbed his chin with a gloved hand. "Hmmm," he mused. "The only Ferelden grey wardens we know of are Blondie and that poor sod claiming to be the son of King Maric." Varric paused, eyes narrowing. "You don't think..."

"Think what, Varric?" Hawke asked, leaning his weight against the table.

"This sounds crazy even to me, but I think Sunshine's warden friend may well be the Hero of Ferelden."

Hawke nodded. After a moment he replied, "You're right, Varric. It _does_ sound crazy."

Æ

_Kalli, you're my cousin and I love you but if I ever see you again, I will kill you_. So thought Shianni as she stormed from Anora's audience chamber. Or as Shianni privately referred to Ferelden's ruler, 'Queen Bitch' or 'She Who Must Be Obeyed.'

She Who Must Be Obeyed had summoned the bann of the Denerim alienage and Shianni had no choice but to comply – mostly because the 'summons' had arrived in the form of a richly-clothed shem quill pusher and a pair of armed guards. "Her Ladyship, the Good Queen Anora requests the presence of the bann of the alienage." _Not even a please_. It was typical of the sanctimonious bitch Shianni's dear cousin had placed on the throne. Soris, always the more level-headed of the family counselled patience and temperance in dealing with Queen Bitch.

"Just smile and nod and _please_ try not to offend her too much," were Soris' parting words as Shianni departed with the quill pusher.

Somehow, despite waiting in a draughty antechamber for much of the morning before Queen Bitch deigned to greet her in person, Shianni managed to keep her temper. Somehow, Shianni managed to emulate Soris' level-headedness as she outlined her people's concerns – among them limited access to clean water and the exorbitant prices shemlen merchants charged for fresh fruit and vegetables. She Who Must Be Obeyed listened throughout, nodded in all the right places and even asked a few pertinent questions before concluding the meeting with assurances that 'the concerns of the alienage merited proper consideration in due course.'

About the same time the dwarves placed a nug on the throne of Orzammar in other words. It was then that Shianni's control lapsed and she spat a volley of curses in elvish before turning on her heel and walking out of the room, chin up, hands fisted by her sides.

The bann's anger evaporated over the course of her walk home, leaving in its place a feeling of dull emptiness. Was this really all there was? All she could do? Represent the interests of her people only to have the policy makers of the land mouth empty promises in return?

Some days she felt like screaming, felt like all she could do was scale the structurally unsound walls of her home to the roof and scream to the heavens, "An elf ended the Blight and saved your worthless lives!"

She knew she wouldn't though; what would it accomplish, after all? Besides, with her luck, the loose cobbles on the roof would slide out from underfoot, landing her head-first in a ditch.

With a heavy sigh, Shianni entered her home. Maker but she needed a drink. Her head snapped up as Soris spoke, "I've a surprise for you." Her brother held a loosely rolled parchment in one hand.

"What is it?"

He smiled impishly at her, an insouciant gleam in his eye. "Guess."

Fixing a fake smile on her face she replied. "Brother, hand me the parchment or you'll be returning to your wife with a few less teeth."

Soris sighed theatrically as he surrendered the paper. "You used to be fun."

Shianni snorted as she unrolled the parchment, eyes widening as she took in the grey warden seal and their cousin's spiky handwriting.

_Dear Shianni and Soris,_

_Hoping you and the family are well._

_Apologies for the recent lack of letters. You would not believe how hard it is to find a reliable courier service in the Marches.  
>Since my last letter, I've joined a group of wardens including a young woman hailing from Lothering.<em>

Shianni stopped reading, looked up at Soris. "_Another _shem from Lothering?"

When Soris shrugged mutely, she returned her attention to the letter.

_And no, it isn't what I know you're thinking, Shianni. She has been a better friend to me than I deserve and I shall do what I can to guide her through her new life as a warden._

_Please give my regards to the alienage and Shianni, please try not to get yourself tried and executed because you lost your temper with the Queen._

_Love,_

_Kalli_

Despite the feelings of tired anger and impotence, a smile brought new life to Shianni's face as she re-read the last line. "You know me too well, cousin," she murmured.

Æ

Another night spent around a camp fire followed another day of tracking and slaying darkspawn. Somewhat perversely, finding entrances into the deep roads and clearing the passages was beginning to feel almost...routine. Bethany shook her head at the thought. The young warden lay on her back, hands laced together on her stomach as she studied the stars. Of her companions, Redmond had the first watch, his outline visible against the star-studded sky; Josef and Stroud sat by the fire, the former playing his pipe, the latter using a whetstone to hone the edge of his longsword.

Kalli too was in the midst of sharpening her array of blades, the _skreet skreet_ of steel on whetstone competing with the notes from Josef's pipe. Bethany turned her head to the right as Kalli tested the edge of a dagger on the ball of her thumb. Apparently satisfied with her work, the elf sheathed the blade. Aware now of Bethany's gaze, Kalli faced her, eyebrow raised in a silent enquiry.

"When was the last time you spoke with her?" Bethany asked.

Kalli blinked. "Spoke with who about what?"

Bethany frowned as she levered herself up on her elbows. "Leliana," she clarified.

The elven warden bit her lip as she returned to her weapons. "Not since I left for Amaranthine."

"You miss her, don't you?" Bethany pressed on, lowering her voice.

Kalli flicked the wrist holding the blade, embedding it to the hilt in the grassy earth. "What do you want me to say, Beth?" she snapped, suddenly angry. "That I cry myself to sleep at night? That I visit every Chantry in every town and village hoping for just a glance of her?"

Asleep by the fire, Circus' ears twitched in response to his mistress' raised voice. After a moment the mabari settled. Kalli rose to her feet, pulled the errant blade from the earth and left without another word, quickly disappearing into the deeper shadows beyond the reach of the firelight. Bethany too stood, uncertain of what she should do. Grass-muted footfalls brought her around as Josef joined her, pipe in hand. He nodded in the direction Kalli had taken. "It might be best to leave her be for now," he said quietly.

Coming to decision, Bethany shook her head. "No. I need to apologise."

Josef tapped the pipe against the palm of his hand for a moment as he looked from the point where Kalli had exited the camp to Bethany and back. "I could come with you, if you wished."

Bethany noted the concern in the man's eyes, wondered if it was merely concern for the welfare of a fellow warden...or concern for Bethany as a person. She shook her head; that was a matter for another time. "Thank you but no."

Josef nodded in acceptance of her decision, his eyes following Bethany until the shadows seemed to consume her as well.

Æ

"if you were attempting to sneak up on me, you were doing a poor job of it," Kalli spoke without looking around as Bethany joined her beneath the limbs of an old, sturdy pine. The elf reached a hand up and snapped off a twig from the branch above her; somewhere nearby an owl hooted, perhaps responding to the small _crack_ perhaps not. Kalli studied the twig as she rotated it between her fingers. After a moment she sighed, letting it fall from her grasp. She was acting foolishly – again – abandoning camp and her friend.

_I thought I was done with this_ she told herself. _That last night before I left Denerim, Leliana and I agreed letting each other go was for the best. It was different while we both lived in the same place but I had no right to leave her behind with my return an uncertainty at best. She deserved somebody who could be forever at her side. So why do I feel as though part of myself is missing?_

"I _have_ been paying attention to your lessons in stealth and subterfuge, you know," Bethany replied, a smile tugging the edges of her mouth upward.

Kalli laughed softy, finally turning to face the taller woman. "Oh? So you're saying if you wanted to, you_ could_ take me by surprise?" Kalli paused a moment, breath seeming to catch in her chest. _Her hair, the way it seems to almost drink in the moonlight._ Kalli bit down hard on her lower lip and winced. "I'm sorry," she said after a moment, breath coming more easily now as she directed her gaze over her friend's shoulder. "I had no right to snap at you. Especially since you only pointed out the truth."

Bethany shook her head, refusing to let herself dodge blame that easily. "It isn't my place to intrude on such matters."

Kalli forced herself to meet Bethany's soft brown eyes even as she silenced the voice from within her own mind_, She's beautiful._ _And deserves better than you._ "Friends sometimes tell each other things, even if they don't want to hear them," she answered.

Bethany pulled in a lungful of cool night air. "Very well," she began. "Perhaps you should visit the Chantry in Kirkwall – they may be able to send a message to Denerim or even know where Leliana went after the Blight." The mage waited, tensing herself against another outburst but none came.

Instead Kalli nodded, dark hair spilling over her face, momentarily obscuring her features before she absently pushed it aside with a hand. She tilted her head in the direction of the camp. "We need a way to convince Stroud to visit the city."

"Sundermount is perhaps a three day hike from here," Bethany pointed out. "Last time my brother and I were in that area, the Dalish warned us about darkspawn."

Kalli swallowed, mouth suddenly dry as she contemplated facing Leliana once more and counselled herself against getting her hopes up. In all likelihood, the Chantry's archivists in Kirkwall would have no information but if they did...she felt her pulse beat harder in her throat and tried to distract herself. "Supplies," she said, quietly impressed at how little her voice shook. "We'll need replenish our supplies before we leave the Marches, and Kirkwall's a shorter journey from here than Starkhaven." Kalli nodded to herself. "Stroud is a practical man, surely he'll appreciate Kirkwall as the better option."

In the darkness alongside her friend, Bethany smiled. "I'm sure he will."


End file.
